Relationships are complicated whether we want to believe it or not. There are times you may feel like you love your partner more than they love you and that is normal. No two people are going to love each other equally all the time and this is fine. It is normal for one person to be a bit more invested, but there is a problem if the imbalance of love is clear and extreme within a relationship. When this happens it can seem like only you are making an effort and taking things seriously. This is both unfair and unhealthy. When this happens, both partners need to find the reason for the imbalance and try to correct it or break up. So, while a little imbalance is okay, and some extreme balances can be corrected, make sure the relationship is working for both of you.
Below are some ways to know the relationship is unbalanced:
Only One Initiating Sex
Couples tend to have a code about initiating sex. One person may hint or ask most of the time. If you are both okay with this arrangement, then it is not a problem, but if the pattern becomes intense when you are the only one asking or who wants sex, and still get turned down, then it can mean you are more invested than they are overall. Not everyone will always be in the mood all the time, but a total or very sparse desire to be intimate can mean an imbalance of love. Love, cuddling, sex, and time together should never feel like a burden. Talk it out and see if the problem can be solved.
You Always Apologize
Some people are better at other in sharing what is on their mind or addressing issues in timely, healthy ways, but people invested in a relationship will make the attempt. This is because they see a future with their partner and want it to be as healthy as possible. If your partner does not seem to care about solving issues or ending arguments, then it may be a sign you are more invested than they are in the relationship. Solving a relationship problem is a two-way street and if your partner will not participate, it is a red flag.
You Plan Around Them
Balanced relationships are close to 50/50 when it comes to give and take and this includes scheduling and making time for one another. If you are willing to drop everything for them, but they will not do the same even when it is possible, it may be a sign of imbalance. The goal is to share your life journey, not invade theirs to the total detriment of yours. If your partner does not take you into consideration when making plans, even though you do for them, talk to them about it. Perhaps they need to know you want more effort, but if nothing changes, it may be time to move on.
You Make the Plans
There are times when one person is much better at planning than the other and this is fine if your partner is willing to let you take the reins. However, if you plan and they are constantly cancelling or being rude about what was planned, yet unwilling to do the planning, you may be more invested. Love should be easy, not a constant battle.
You Always Reach Out First
If you want to talk to your partner when you are apart it means you are serious. This tends to lead to frequent texting or calling. How your partner responds can tell you a great deal. However, you must keep in mind if they are not typically texters and rarely look at their phone, not texting back can mean nothing. If they are always on the phone texting others, but do not answer yours, then the relationship may be unbalanced. Talk to them immediately, in person. If your partner does not meet your needs through a healthy level of attention, it may be time to move to someone else.
Tolerate Annoying Habits
Everyone has annoying habits and we tend to be able to overlook many to keep the peace because they are rarely dealbreakers when it comes to a relationship. However, if you can overlook the small things and they cannot, becoming annoyed at every turn, it means you are currently at an imbalance. This needs to be addressed immediately. When things are allowed to remain unbalanced, conflict and resentment grow. Remember to love your partner, but not forget your own needs. Stating your needs can help rebalance the scales.
You Have Not Met Their Family
If your partner has met your family and friends, but they seem to be keeping you in the shadows, it is a red flag that should not be ignored. Someone serious about a relationship will be happy to introduce you to those important in their life. Talk to them instead of waiting for an invitation. If they want to continue, they will be willing to start moving your lives together.
Social Media Shut Out
Social media is used differently by different people. If your partner prefers to keep their personal life off social media, it is their choice. However, if they are active on their account about everything, but you, then there is a problem. Usually, someone invested in a relationship will not think twice about sharing at least a photo or two on social media and if they don’t you can be a bit concerned. Talk to them, there may be a reasonable explanation.
When someone does not feel invested in a relationship, emotional and physical affairs are much more likely. This gets needs met outside the relationship. If you are so invested that the thought would never cross your mind, great, but if your partner is willing to flirt with others online or in person, then they may not be as committed. A partner who keeps a private, close relationship with someone else, it is a red flag.
Big news, good or bad, is something that is to be shared. If you call your partner first whether you got a promotion or got fired, then you are committed. Find out who they call first because if you are not the first, they may not be as invested in the relationship. Maybe they need more time to get to that level or they just do not feel that close to you. Find out either way.
You Know All About Them
If you know you would score 100% on a test about your partner’s life, but they struggle to remember your birthday, then you already know there is an imbalance. People who are invested will want to know, and remember, everything about their partner. While this takes time, they are willing. Sometimes, your partner may not be willing to open up, if this does not improve over time, it can become a bigger issue. Keep in mind everyone has strengths, weaknesses, and interests they bring to a relationship, so take differences into account. If things really are not working out, it is okay to call it quits to find what you really want. It is likely best for both of you.