Should You Give a Ghoster a Second Chance?

Should You Give a Ghoster a Second Chance?

Everyone should know what “ghosting” is, even though you may not have experienced it in your dating life.

Ghosting is when a guy suddenly disappears after a date. He doesn’t call, text or communicate in any way. It is considered extremely bad dating behavior. Not only is it rude, but it is confusing.

There are some situations where you may, through social circles or online media connections, come into contact with your ghoster. He may initiate communication again with you and, gasp, may ask you out again.

This presents a whole new dilemma. You liked him the first time, but are royally peeved he ghosted you. You moved on and now he is back even though it’s been weeks or months later. He acts like nothing negative happened at all and wants to go out with you again.

Should you go?

Here are three things to consider before you make that big decision.

  1. Some guys honestly don’t remember ghosting you the first time. The truth is they are dating a variety of people and you just, somehow, slipped through the cracks. They got busy and just forgot all about you.

This can present a problem. If you weren’t that memorable, what will make you think you will leave more of a lasting impression this time around?

This is something you need to address with this guy before you agree to go out with him again. However, you must bring up the subject diplomatically. The best way is to camouflage it with humor. Tell him, jokingly, that you are surprised he wants to go out again because you didn’t make much of an impression the first time.

His reaction will tell you if going out again is worth your time. He will either laugh and tell you a reason for not calling or apologize saying he was a jerk for not calling you. Either answer is good enough to give him a chance. A hesitant answer would be a no-go.

  1. He got busy and time slipped away. Sometimes, a job gets dramatic quickly and a guy can put off calling “until things settle down.” Well, that can take months. If this is the case, he will readily tell you that upfront when you reconnect. He will likely have an apology ready too without you needing to say anything. This could be a could guy that you need to give a second chance.
  2. Something dramatic happened that you don’t know about. Maybe there was a death in the family or maybe he lost his job. He may hesitate to tell you what happened because it is personal and he doesn’t know you that well, but give him a chance to explain. You may politely say you were worried about him when he didn’t call and hope everything was okay.

The Pros and Cons of Reconnecting

There are some pluses and minuses to giving a ghoster a second chance. Here are a couple of them.

Pro: You feel better about him wanting you back.

Let’s face it. The ghosting was a rejection of you. The fact he wants you back confirms that it was his loss. Maybe he’s been regretting it and that’s a good feeling too.

Con: You could get hurt again.

After all, he ghosted you once. He could do it again. If the situation was such that your feelings were on the line when the ghosting happened, then you probably should run the opposite way this time around. You can’t afford that kind of hurt again.

If, however, the first-time ghosting wasn’t a huge deal to you, you may want to try it again because there isn’t a lot to lose.

Let your gut be your guide.

Pro: There is a chance it could turn into something serious.

This depends on how much of a connection you felt the first time around. The ghosting could have been an issue where the relationship was so intense it scared him. It could also have been an issue of timing.

It could also be that something dramatic did happen in his life that led to the ghosting experience. If this is the case, there could be a chance for you two. You will need more information before you can decide how much you should invest in the relationship.

Con: It could be a waste of time.

This depends on your expectations. If the relationship was casual, it may be worth it to try again because it could be fun. However, the risk may be too great if you were really into him previously. That’s because you may be reconnecting with the expectation of a relationship when he has no such plans. That would waste your time waiting for something that isn’t going to happen.

Giving the ghoster another shot is something to seriously consider. There are risks and your feelings are at play. You will need to determine whether the risk is worth it.