30 Compatibility Questions

Are you involved in a romantic relationship and wondering if the two of you are truly compatible with each other? You may be asking purely out of fun. But it’s possible that there are fears and doubts underlying the question.

Or worse, maybe you’re already experiencing problems in the relationsnhip. Your question in that circumstances may sound more like wondering if your relationship can possibly survive the problems.

The following compatibility questions can help open discussion on a wide range of topics. The questions aim to help you gain insight into personality and character traits beyond what’s obvious.

While there is no scoring system, and no answer key of right or wrong answers, the discussions the questions can spark may serve to give you peace of mind about your relationship. Or they may act as a warning flag clue you in to some problems, in which case it may be wise to seek outside help, from a licensed therapist or counselor.

  1. Can you accept your partner without desiring to change him or her?
  2. Do you consider your partner to be generally thoughtful?
  3. Does your partner discuss important decisions with you?
  4. Do you agree about having children in the future?
  5. If you already have children, do you generally agree regarding child-rearing decisions and strategies?
  6. If you already have children, how certain are you that the way you observe your partner treating your children when you are there is just as caring as it is when you’re not there?
  7. Is your partner your best friend?
  8. Does your partner protest when you desire to spend time apart?
  9. When you look at your past together, are the memories generally happy?
  10. Do you share your partner’s significant beliefs and values?
  11. Do you feel loved even if your partner doesn’t use the exact words “I love you”?
  12. Do you feel like your partner cares about what you’re interested in?
  13. Could you trust your partner if he/she called to tell you they couldn’t get home for what seems to be a good reason? (For example: working late, missed a train, stuck at the airport?)
  14. Are you physically attracted to your partner?
  15. Are you comfortable enough with your partner to ask for what you want sexually?
  16. When it comes to desire, do you feel like your partner wants you more than she/he needs you?
  17. When it comes to libido, do you feel like your partner understands with no judgement involved that passion comes and goes?
  18. Can you and your partner have a civil conversation about topics that you don’t agree about?
  19. When you argue, are you able to forgive each other and move on in a timely manner?
  20. If your partner became physically disabled, could you handle it without resenting him/her?
  21. If your partner became dependent on you because of a psychological or mental issue, could you handle it without resenting him/her?
  22. Do you and your partner handle bills equally or jointly?
  23. Do you and your partner have the time and space needed to pursue individual interests without leaving the other feel neglected?
  24. Would your partner support you if you had to take care of another family member?
  25. Would your partner understand if your work schedule suddenly changed?
  26. Would your partner understand if you felt you wanted to make a change in the direction of your career?
  27. Is there harshness, negativity, destructive criticism and sarcasm in your arguments?
  28. Do minor and petty complaints about minor behaviorial issues turn into criticism about each other overall as a person?
  29. Do you no longer try to talk things through?
  30. 30 Do you find that leading separate lives, with little or nothing in common?

Hopefully you found it worthwhile to talk through these questions with your partner. If you find you’re in need of some relationship advice, it may help to talk to a close friend or family member. Better advice would be to seek the help of a licensed relationship therapist or counselor. No problem is too small or too big to discuss with an professional. A professional won’t take sides, and will offer caring guidance as you work through your problems together.