When it comes to getting a man to commit long term, many women have been unable to solve the equation. You want him interested right now, but also years down the road. This can be confusing and frustrating. However, there are a few secrets that can help get the commit you desire.

This starts with knowing the two general types of men when it comes to romantic relationships with women. The first type is the guy that treats his woman like a queen up on a pedestal, making sure she is happy even before him. Then there is the other type, the commitment-phobe who acts as if any type of commitment may be painful and if it happens, it was involuntary. While most women will say the second type is more prominent, studies show otherwise. If most people want committed relationships, what happens to make so many fall apart?

Basically, a man’s understanding of commitment is the determining factor in whether he will stick things out long term. For most guys, if things don’t line up just right, they become distant and unavailable. He may even start making sad excuses, that while true, are no less hard to hear. Something is not lining up for him and he is making a break for it. This does not mean he will not commit to someone else, but you are not it for him at that moment. Knowing what works to keep him interested can save heartbreak over time. You must learn to crack the code to his commitment and this list will help you get started.

Desire Him

Though he will not likely voice it, he needs you to desire him and tell him. Basic, animalistic desire is a driving force for men. He wants you. He feels it deep within himself. He needs to miss you when you are gone and lust after you when you have been apart. This is fed through desire and a play of opposites. Make him crave you, then let him catch you, let him lust for you, then give in. This is the creation of tension and then a release that cycles over time. To do this using sexuality, tease him and then give in or playfully run away and allow yourself to be caught. Adding this joy and levity to his life will keep him interested. Use the feminine whiles to your advantage in contrast to his masculine nature to help him feel more manly.

Respect Him

Respect is virtuous and foundational for long term relationships. Respect can even reignite the flame of a relationship when it is failing. A man will often marry a woman who respects him over one who loves him. It is that important. Love is important, but for men it is more of a commodity than a feeling. He is more focused on respect first, then love. Figure out the reasons you respect your man and make sure you tell him. Also tell him how good he makes you feel and why you love him. Also be willing to apologize if you have done something wrong. Long term relationships are not about individual egos, but team work.

Emotional Safety

We must learn to keep a man happy about his emotional health. Surrender anger, bitterness, and resentment to give him a safe space to be vulnerable. Start by placing your trust in him and letting him know he can trust you. You will both need to be vulnerable together for a long-term relationship. This often starts with the woman being the leader into vulnerable areas. This will, over time, help him to let down his guard. He needs to know you will not judge or criticize, feel your support, and be encouraged. He needs to know you will keep his secrets and face problems with him.

Challenge Him

Men grow through challenge. It resides in their core. Challenge is part of masculinity that wants to make them overcome and win. Winning challenges helps them feel successful and then respected. Know your own strengths and value so if your man starts compromising you can challenge him to higher standards. This may be confrontational at times, but he will love it. It will also make him better. This is not nagging, but confronting when needed.

Awe and Wonder

The final step is probably the oldest in the book, keep him excited. Act a little crazy and impulsive at times to keep things interesting. This is not faking a kidnapping crazy, but a skinny dipping in the pool kind of excitement. This will keep him interested as you embrace your feminine qualities. This special something is what will keep him coming back.

A Few Extras

Though the top five secrets are truly the key, below are a few more tips to keep your relationship working. Remember, you do not have to think like a man, just know how they think.

• Find areas to be more playful and sexual
• Acknowledge him for positive things that usually go unnoticed
• Be proud of him for important things
• Trust him enough to let your guard down
• Challenge yourself
• Be yourself